Anxiety
by ToshiroHitsugaya105
Summary: A/U Tony has had trouble sleeping constantly tormented by nightmares of letting his team down/ turning against him he begins to increasingly fear failing them. Steve realising something is off reaches out in an attempt to help Tony fight his demons.
1. Nightmare

Tony stood in the barn surrounded by zombies. This was all his fault he could've prevented this, he told himself over and over. He didn't even have his suit he was defenseless. A zombie charged at his swiping it's rotting grey hand at Tony's face. "You know, you should really invest in getting a manicure, I even know someone who would be great for you!" The mechanic quipped despite his fear. Tony shuffled back attempting to gain distance but instead cornered himself, he tripped backwards and scrambled backward before hitting a wall. Tony clenched his fists in fear, this was in his opinion the worst way to go. Slowly being eaten alive? So not what he expected for himself, he imagined he would die in more of a firey explosive way. But not...this.

"Stark?!" A familiar voice called out "Stark!" Suddenly the zombie that was about to clamp down on Tony had it's head swiped clean off by none other than Cap. Steve offered Tony his hand letting him stand up.

"Tony you need to-" Steve's lips continued to move but Tony couldn't hear.

"What?" Tony begged noticing more zombies closing in Steve seemed unaware.

"You need to-" Cap was cut off, a zombie biting into his shoulder. He was screaming but Tony couldn't hear. He recognized the zombie biting into Cap, it was Clint.

"No... not you too.." Tony frantically looked for an escape but was surrounded by his former team now zombified. they stumbled closer and closer towards him.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Tony's voice cracked tears running down his face. "I'm sorry!" he screamed before the darkness overcame.

"WAKE UP!" Tony was jolted back into reality, covered in sweat. ' _It was just a dream..._ ' Tony looked at his hands opening and closing them trying to determine if this was real life or not. "You alright Stark? you look like you were having a pretty bad dream there." Tony turned to see Cap standing in his doorway, wearing a plain white tee and jeans. Tony just absently nodded, usually he'd get angry at Steve for invading his privacy but somehow the dream he had made him happy to see him alive. Steve even looked like he was ready to get yelled at and when he didn't he relaxed his shoulders.

"You're late for training." He stated waiting for an angry response but again Tony just nodded. "We'll be upstairs..." The blonde continued with a weirded out look on his face. Tony just waved him off before throwing the blankets off him. He was soaked in sweat. _'Looks like I need a shower...sorry guys._ ' Tony stripped off his clothes and hopped in the shower, deciding he wouldn't take too long. This time.

Steve wanted to ask Tony what was wrong, it was apparent to him that something was bothering the mechanic. Instead he bit his tongue, he had already intruded on him he didn't want to elicit any confrontation. Especially after seeing his face this morning, the man looked like he had just gone through hell. It bothered the blonde how quiet Tony seemed already, by now usually they would've almost punched each other. Not that he wasn't happy Tony didn't fire off on him as usual, but still it made him feel uneasy.

Steve joined the group upstairs they were sat waiting at the island in Tony's kitchen. Clint nodded at him bringing the others to attention. "So is he up yet?" Clint yawned bored already.

"Yeah he's just having a shower...I think." Cap answered making Bruce roll his eyes.

"This is going to take forever why did we come so early anyway?" The scientist asked putting his head back.

"It's not early it's almost 1 o'clock. It's not our fault Tony sleeps in so late all the time." Natasha answered.

Just then Tony walked in, a hand towel around his neck.

"Well it's about time you woke up." Natasha said quietly hinting at the elephant in the room.

"Yeah sorry late night." He said quickly not wanting to go into detail.

"Yeah, well it seems all we do is train without you. You're always either sleeping in or working on your machines, I get that they're important Tony but we need to work together more often, you can't just skip training." Steve braced himself for Tony to blow up surely bringing up his work would hit a nerve. But it didn't. Instead Tony stood there quiet.

"You're right, I've been failing you guys and I know I need to work harder on being a better part of the team. I promise I'll be there tomorrow." The team sat there in shock, there were no sarcastic comments. no quipps at Cap for being old nothing.

"Well me and Nat gotta go so, good talk see you tomorrow." Clint abruptly stated before grabbed Natasha's arm and pulling her with him despite her denial. "Bruce you too, let's go!" Clint called back shoving Nat out the door.

"I don't have anywhere to- Ok fine, I guess i'll be leaving too then?" He stated awkwardly before following after Clint.

Tony did his best to ignore how awkward the team was acting. He knew he wasn't putting on a good show, infact he almost didn't care if his team saw through his facade it was getting old."Well what are you still doing her Cap? Why don't you go join them?" Tony enquired sounding almost bitter.

"I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong with you." he stated. Pure and simple, god sometimes he hated how goody goody he was. It only reminded Tony at how different he was than Rogers.

"I'm fine" he replied with a bit more bite than he intended.

"Really? Then why were you screaming in your sleep? Huh?" Cap confronted Tony head on this time getting up in his face. "Why are you acting so weird Tony? You aren't even fighting me." Tony's eyes just looked empty void of any expression, it was a face Steve had never seen on Tony before. He looked vulnerable. Steve backed away from Tony unsure of what to do or say.

"I'm just-" Tony started before turning away pressing the palms of his hands to his forehead.

"Just what Stark?" Steve continued to nag unsure of what else to do.

"I'm ? I'm terrified Of letting the team down. Of getting everyone killed...I'm failing in every way and I don't know how to get back on top of things." He admitted staring at the floor his back turned to the blonde.

Tony jumped when suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder. Cap smiled gently "You're not letting anyone down, or getting any of us killed so just relax not everything is your responsibility." Tony continued to look at the ground he felt tears begin to form but he willed them to stop, he felt so weak. "Is that why you were screaming and crying in your sleep?" Steve teased slightly lightly elbowing the short mechanic.

"I was not screaming and crying!" Tony shot back surprising Cap.

"There we go, that's more like the Stark I know." The blonde smiled making Tony sigh."Come on let's train you and me, you obviously have some pent up emotions you need to get out." Tony nodded.

"Fine let's go." He pouted on the outside, but he was grateful for Steve's concern,


	2. Computers

"It's all your fault! It's all your fault! It's all your fault!"A voice shouted repeatedly. Tony thought he was awake. He could see his room everything seemed like real life, but the voice wasn't normal. It wasn't Jarvis either that was for sure. The mechanic tried to sit up but couldn't, he couldn't even move his fingers only his eyes. They scanned the room frantically, he spotted a inhuman figure at the end of his bed slowly crawling on top of him. He tried to call out for Jarvis but it was as if his mouth was wired shut. The figure was completely black except it's white teeth which starked in comparison to it's black body. It's arms and legs were long and lanky like a spiders. The creature leaned in close to Tony's face and grinned widely. "I will kill them all." It laughed manically. Suddenly Tony was able to move his body again.

"Fuck off!" Tony yelled as he swiped angrily at the creature, but suddenly it wasn't there anymore. Gone. As if it had just vanished. Tony felt his heart beating erratically as if it was trying to force itself out of his chest. The brunette sat there trying to catch his breath through shaky gasps sweat pooling down his back. He dragged a shaky hand through his messy hair and held his head in the cup of his hands. " Jarvis, can you show me the security footage?" Tony called out.

"Here you are, sir " the mechanical voice replied as a blue interface appeared out of nowhere. All Tony saw was himself in bed not moving nothing else...no one else Tony's brows furrowed, it felt too real to have been a dream. " It appears that you have experienced what is known as sleep paralysis." Jarvis answered Tony's unasked questions, articles appeared on the interface now explaining sleep paralysis. Tony looked at It quickly before swiping the interface away, he flopped back down exhausted.

Tony gave up on trying to get sleep not long after the sleep paralysis incident and instead went to his workshop to work on his suit. That was where he was when Steve walked in.

"Hey Stark I know we don't have training today but I was wondering if you wanted to do some anyway since you've missed quite a bit..."

Tony continued to work ignoring Steve. He was aware of his presence he just wasn't bothered to acknowledge the blonde at the moment, he only had 3 more screws until he was done the shoulder section he didn't want to stop now. Then it'd who knows how much motivation to get back into working on it, and for what five minutes?

"Tony? did you hear me?" Steve asked sounding more impatient than usual. Tony gave in not wanting to have a screaming match after so little sleep.

"Yes dear?" The brunette teased not looking up from his suit. Steve rolled his eyes in response letting out a small huff. "You seem more tense than usual Cap, did fury rub you the wrong way?Or are you finding modern technology confusing?" He was met with silence. Tony looked up from his work after tightening the last screw. "I mean, it must be hard and all being frozen all those years. What was it like by the way?" Tony was aware he was being rather insensitive but he didn't care, he did this all the time usually Steve ignored him, but not today. Instead the blonde blew up in his face picking the brunette up from his chair by his shirt.

Tony put his hands up defensively as he felt his feet lift off the floor, the brunette flailed his legs struggling to get back down. Tony was strong but not strong enough to even make Steve sweat, without his suit at least. " Are you okay buddy? You seem to be pretty hostile today..." Tony said his voice strained.

"I'm not in the mood." Steve said angrily before letting the short brunette down. "Whatever I'll go train by myself." He spoke eerily calm all of the sudden. Tony could only stand in shock at what had just happened. Finally he decided to go after the blonde reluctantly. He knew he'd regret it later, but he felt like he owed the man for consoling him the other day.

"Cap, what the hell was that? You're never that sensitive. I've said far worse things and you've never acted out like that before." Tony shouted running after the blonde who was just about to leave Tony's house. Steve paused at the door and turned to face Tony.

"It's just this time... You're right. I don't know anything anymore, I don't know what the hell a Kardashian is or who a meme is." Tony cringed hearing cap pronounce meme as 'me me' but let him continue his rant before speaking. "I don't understand anything and everyone finds it hilarious, but the joke isn't so funny anymore."

Tony sighed. "You're an idiot."

Steve rolled his eyes. "Did you not listen to anything I said?"

"Yes I did, and you're an idiot." Tony walked over to the kitchen as he talked. "Look i'm on top of everything technology wise and that means knowing what a meme-"Tony stressed the pronunciation so Steve would be sure to catch his drift. "And who the Kardashians are, although they're not really important anyway."

Steve looked at Tony with a heartfelt expression. "Are you saying you'll in not so many words bring me up to date?"

Tony snorted "Yeah of course, what are friends for?" Tony paused. "So training or computers 101?"

"Computers for sure." Steve replied firmly smiling at this new understanding between the two.


	3. Coffee

"Where is it going? Where did it go? I'm lost...Tony can you-"

"Yeah yeah I'm coming."

This had been going on for quite awhile. Tony had given Steve is very own laptop, to help with his learning about technology. He was trying to figure out youtube when he accidently pressed the 'Add tab' Button.

"See the music is still playing but it's disappeared." Steve said pointing to the blank white screen as if Tony didn't know what he was talking about.

Tony sighed and reached over Steve's shoulder dragging his finger along the touch pad until the cursor hovered over the Youtube tab, and clicked bringing a video of a woman singing passionately into a mic.

"Wait a minute... Is this 'My heart will go on?' Tony said half laughing.

Steve blushed bright red. "It was on top 10 iconic songs" He said defensively.

"I'm not judging." Tony said walking away with his hands in the air. "I mean, I would've pinned you for more of a pink floyd kind of guy but whatever." Steve looked at Tony expectantly. "It's a band."

"Oh right."

Tony sighed, he was starting to wonder if Steve would ever get the hang of technology, there was just somethings he didn't know how to explain. Half the stuff was just natural to him by now, or he had Jarvis to do it for him.

Video games weren't as bad but they weren't great either. Tony finally decided to introduce some gaming systems to Steve to see if it would be easier for him. But after Steve had asked for the fourth time in five minutes how to aim and look around at the same time he needed a break. He excused himself to get a drink and climbed the stairs to the kitchen. He was starting to feel antsy being cooped up all week,he knew he should burn off some excess energy but didn't have the motivation to do it. Lately everything had felt like that, he wanted to do it but he couldn't muster up the motivation to. Even something as simple as watching a TV show. He glanced at the the analog clock on the oven. The blue numbers glowed, they seemed so lonely to Tony. It was 6:15 Steve would be leaving soon. A strange sense of dread weighed Tony down. He hadn't realised how much he enjoyed the company of the blonde until now. The mechanic shook it off heading back down the stairs to finish his painfully long game with Steve.

 **Later...**

Tony sat alone in his room staring at the ceiling. Everything suddenly felt so hopeless, everything was pointless. What good was he? He was hit with this overwhelming sense of feeling deflated soon after Steve left, everything felt so cold and grey. He left Jarvis on mute, he wanted to be alone, but didn't at the same time. Tony couldn't wrap his head around his emotions. So instead he let himself drift off to sleep.

Tony was sitting in the passenger seat of a convertible, a position he was unfamiliar with since he usually drove. Steve was driving in the fast lane. Tony felt the wind in his hair the sun beating down on his skin. He felt happy, the happiest he felt in ages. But suddenly the car in front of them spontaneously blew up sending the convertible into the air. For a moment everything was suspended. The heat from the explosion, Steve's' hands gripping the steering wheel, The fire bellowing from below. and then it wasn't. The convertible flipped several times before coming to a stop upside down across the highway. Tony unbuckled his seatbelt letting his head hit the pavement with a _thunk_. He scrambled into a better position. "Steve?" Tony called out between coughs. smoke filled the air burning the brunettes eyes. "Steve!" He reached a hand out towards the drivers side. But it was empty.

Tony shot awake to the sound of his phone ringing. His heart still racing from the nightmare, he fumbled for the phone underneath his pillow.

"Hello?" He answered his voice deep and gruff.

"Tony? Is that you? I'm not totally sure if I've got this right."

"Steve?! It's three am? What's wrong?"

"Uh nothing's wrong, really I just figured you'd be up and well... I can't sleep."

Tony dragged a hand over his face relived.

"Okay, there's a coffee shop that's always open a block from mine, can you meet there?"

"Yeah see you in 10."

Tony hadn't even hung up before rushing to get some clothes on. It had been ages since he had been out this late at night. He couldn't deny the fact that he was also anxious to see Steve, but he blamed most of that on his nightmares, nothing more than that of course.

They spent the rest of the early morning conversing over technology and recent trends that Steve should be aware of over coffee. Before they knew it, it was nine in the morning.

"Wanna go back to mine?" Tony asked before blushing at the way it sounded.

"Yeah sure, but I need a break from this techy stuff."

"Deal, let's go."


	4. Reality

"All I'm saying Tony is that you've been spending an awful lot of time hanging out with Steve."

Barton was sitting across from Tony, coffee cup in hand.

"So? You guys always said we needed to work on getting along better right? So that's what I'm doing." Tony explained busing himself with fixing the sugar dispenser.

"Tony. I'm not worried about the team." Barton sighed as if Tony should've been following along the entire time.

"Then why are you bringing up Steve?" Tony's brows furrowed together

"Tony, when's the last time you went on a date? Or to a strip club?" Barton questioned sipping his coffee slowly. Tony pondered the question, it had been a while especially since he started helping Steve.

"Not for awhile why?"

Barton shook his head. "I'm trying to imply that maybe you have a crush."

Tony's face crumpled into a strange expression. "What? On who?" Barton raised an eyebrow and cocked his head. "On Steve! Please Clint I know we are becoming friends, but it's nothing more than that." Tony felt his face get hot, he started to sweat uncomfortably.

"Cause we wouldn't judge you Tony, it's perfectly OK" Barton continued.

"Shut up Legolas." Barton rolled his eyes in response. "I do not like Steve like Clint?" Tony said his face hard.

"You sound more like you're trying to convince yourself." Tony opened his mouth about to go off before Clint continued. "Don't worry your secret is safe with me." Barton winked before finishing his coffee. "Now if you'll excuse me Natasha requested my presence." Tony half heartedly waved before slumping back into the booth speechless.' _I'm not attracted to Steve, am I?'_

Tony didn't have long to soul search before there was an emergency call from Fury. He was ordered to assist Rogers in a mission, before things get too out of hand. Fury stressed that this mission shouldn't be difficult. "We need good press Stark. Are you aware that the entire world is aware of the beef you and Steve have?" He continued his voice loud on the speaker. "I've heard that you two have managed to play nice lately, please for the love of god, do something right." there was a _'click'_ followed by silence signifying that Fury had hung up.

Tony paced around the hangar waiting for Natasha to fly him and Steve to their destination. Fury insisted that Tony arrive with Steve to help with the bad press they gotten recently, all thanks to some low life reporter who decided to tape a fight that escalated between him and ran his hands through his hair, he wouldn't be this stressed if Barton hadn't insinuated that he liked Rogers. The anxiety clawed at Tony's stomach, his heart felt as if it were being gripped by some supernatural force. The brunette took long deep breaths trying to relax himself. "You alright there Stark?" Tony jumped at the sound of Steve's voice. "Fury said it's just a small mission, if anything this is just to get some good press for once. "Tony nodded.

"Yeah, just didn't sleep much last night." He covered rubbing his eyes as if to prove he really was tired. Which wasn't an entire lie, he was always tired.

"Nightmares again?" Steve whispered. Tony felt grateful that Steve respected the fact he didn't want everyone knowing about his current sleep issues, but another half of him felt warm and fuzzy knowing that he cared. "Ye-" Tony's voice squeaked, Tony coughed "Yeah." he said more affirmatively

"What was it about?" Steve pried. Tony shook his head he didn't want to tell Steve he was actually worried about him, it was easier to pretend to be annoyed by him.

"You never tell me what they're about." Steve sighed.

"Cause it's none of your business." Tony clipped, his voice coming out more angry then he meant to lead on. "It was stupid, lets just get this over with." Tony said being conscious of his tone this time. Just then Natasha arrived "Come on boys lets go." she called through the speaker.

"Party time!" cheered enthusiastically, Steve shook his head but didn't comment.

"So what're we dealing with Nat?" Steve asked gripping onto the handle bars on the roof of the plane.

"Apparently, a bunch of gang members have dressed up in masks and decided to label themselves 'Anti-heros' and have gone on a long shooting spree."

"Gotta love New York, but couldn't the police handle this?" Steve asked yawning.

"Normally yes, but Shield thinks they might have stolen something that is actually something useful."

"You realise that usually shield is wrong right?" Tony shook his head. "Oh well I could use a little warm up anyway." The mechanic covered his face with his mask. "Let's go. You ready Cap"

"Always."

Natasha opened the cargo door from her seat. "Good luck boys."

"Thanks." Steve winked leaving Tony with a slight pang of jealousy.

"Yeah yeah let's get this over with." Tony rolled his eyes before blasting out of the plane and soaring through the air.


End file.
